Tuesday, June 1, 2010

TEASING Again: Jukeboxes and Waves!

I vowed not to return to blogosphere till my exams are done, but I couldn't help not teasing. In this scene, an old coat Ronni's wearing to camouflage herself as she goes to get a fix from Dan, stirs up some unwanted memories...(PS. The first bit of conversation is with Aunt Ruby)



Alyce Haast said...

Nice... nice description and nice inflection, a really like the characters voice

Debra Driza said...

Love the last bit, how the word wraps around her...and the last line is a heartbreaker. Also, love the imagery of how the coat makes her feel close to dad.

Very nice!

Glen Akin said...

Beautiful, engaging writing. "The word floats up to me. Wraps around me. I spy Dan in the shadows and let myself up. Let Dad go." So much emotion on that sentence. And to think you were going to deprive us of this wonderful teaser. Sometimes you can be so mean ;D

Angie said...

Great descriptions. I love the "near freedom" bit and I can feel how this is all playing out with the darkness and someone in the shadows. Great tease. Good luck on your exams too. :)

Tahereh said...

aww that was lovely, Bee. i especially loved the last couple of lines. so beautiful!

by the way -- i love THIS layout, too!!

Caitlin R. O'Connell said...

The way you weave in her memories about the coat is just great. It fits in very nicely with the rest of the scene. :)

Bri said...

Gosh, so much emotion in this. I love it :)

Ellen said...

"Now I'm nobody. Or I can be anybody. I feel like a spy." Loved this line :) Great scene!

Nomes said...


I love this scene -- I love how it all builds up in emotion to the awesome last lines.

Your writing evokes beautiful images :) very cool.

LizPage said...

I'm so glad you didn't pull this before I got a chance to comment on it. I just love your details, 'it's streetlights and jukeboxes and waves now' just got to me for some reason.

I'd love to have you beta. tell me I get to beta this in return :) You can email me whenever finals is over at epage126@gmail.com. Good luck with your exams!!

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